names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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