Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
