just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
