think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
