Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I didn't notice because vodka
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
