yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
