Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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