I need to stop coming to work sober
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize