i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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