Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
