OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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