my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
if only i could text you this smell
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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