my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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