My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
there was a trapeze. enough said
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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