what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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