Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Me too!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
