Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
