Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
