Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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