Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you inspire me to be a worse person
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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