you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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