idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize