i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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