still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
