You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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