Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
