Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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