You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im holly from the hills drunk
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
