Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just forgot I was standing up.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
