Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
