there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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