Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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