I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
