I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
