he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
