please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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