So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
