her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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