I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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