saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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