Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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