Can i not drive my cunt home
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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