he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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