cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
