It was confusing and full of hummus
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
