Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just want nice things and good sex
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
