i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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