ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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