ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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