so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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