true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
