I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
