I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
