The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
