This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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