Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
whose parrot is this?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
