Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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