a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize