The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
