Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
