I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
