yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
