fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
